So I’ve been living in my new place for a couple weeks now and I think I’ve I’ve identified some of my favorite things about it. Actually, I pretty much knew what they were from the moment I set foot in the place, but my time here so far has only further cemented their Total Fucking Awesomeness in my esteem. I will rank them here in ascending magnitude of TAF, though it’s pretty much a three-way tie.

1. The wallpaper in the front room:

This is identical to the wallpaper we had in our living room in Grinnell when I was growing up (except this is green; ours was brown). Everything about it screams THE SEVENTIES. This was the first thing I saw when I initially looked at the apartment and considered it an auspicious sign. I think I even mentioned this at the time to the landlord giving me the tour: “OhmygodthiswallpaperI’lltakeitblarrggh.”

Arriving home every day to this little convergence of nostalgia and domestic verisimilitude has an undeniably calming effect.

2. The back porch:

Most days, this rallies hard to be my favorite thing not only about my apartment, but about my entire life leading up to and including this moment and extending ever forward into all of perpetuity. Most evenings, Tara and I sit here and drink PBR until the sun sets, then go inside and log another episode of “Lost.” And thus, a summer routine is born.

3. PBR dispenser in the refrigerator door:

It’s almost like the good folks at the refrigerator factory were standing at the drawing board thinking, “What’s the only thing we could possibly do with a refrigerator to impress young beer-drinking bachelors who couldn’t identify a vegetable crisper, much less give two shits about whether their fridge has one? … Good lord, that’s it!”

(I haven’t yet tested this thing out to see if it works with any other canned beers besides PBR. And really, why would I?)

So there you have it. If you’d like to enjoy these and many other exciting features of my fantastic new home, please come to my housewarming party tomorrow night. In addition to the beautiful hardwood floors and antique bathroom fixtures, there will be a keg of Leinie’s.