Remember last week when I said that I was retiring the SgDbotW for a while?

Yeah, well, I lied.

This week’s threads were just too priceless to resist. It’s like all the douchebags out there called my bluff and stepped up.

Fifth place:

Wow – it’s like Queens of the Stone age and Spoon’s “I turn my camera on”….and yet, not nearly as good as either of them…

boring.

Posted by: bored at May 10, 2006 03:56 PM

Pretty much any post that includes a one-word sentence, especially when that word is “boring,” is going to be guaranteed a spot on my countdown. (And you’ve got to admit that it’s a pretty amazing coincidence that this poster’s name is the same as his opinion about things.) Also, I feel like punching myself whenever anyone, including me, describes a band as being a cross between two or more other bands. Except of course for: “Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, and Molly Hatchet could not be here tonight, but they all had sex and are proud to announce the birth of their two-headed baby, Tenacious D.”

Fourth place:

How is it not surprising that Stereogum has no music book suggestions. Keep it up, US Weekly…

Posted by: The Playlist at May 10, 2006 09:17 AM

Aside from that entirely pointless comment, this thread is worth a scan if you, like me, are constantly seeking good books about music. I’m not really sure what The Playlist’s grievance is, but apparently it has something to do with the fact that Scott deferred to his readers’ tastes rather than dominating the thread with his own suggestions. Scott’s a real asshole like that.

Third place:

i havent seen anything fresh on this site in awhile… :(

http://www.pondracket.com

Posted by: pondracket at May 11, 2006 09:27 AM

Hey, Fuck Face. Before you lament the lack of “anything fresh” on a site, you might want to make sure that the leading post on your blog as of this writing doesn’t have anything to do with Kevin Federline. It just seems like common sense.

Also, Mr. Face, while I’ve got your attention: you see that little space above the comment field where it says “URL”? Technology has progressed to the point where you can type your URL there and it’ll automatically create a link to your fresher-than-fresh website. So it’s entirely unnecessary and in fact quite obnoxious for you to include the URL, again, in the comment itself. Jerk.

Second place:

Concert photos are the closest thing you can get to filler for a blog. Booooooooring.

Posted by: None at May 11, 2006 03:27 PM

Christ, what a retard.

First place:

I agree that Nick is ugly, and I’m done with this site [sterogum]. I can see your obviously using Death Cab to sell your t-shirts, what a shill. You have Ben on your page with your T-shirt, TWICE … good for you that he accepted a T-shirt, but you shouldn’t ride their recent fame to sell the fucking things. BTW, Death Cab hasn’t put out a good album since “the photo album”.

Posted by: dead_red_eyes at May 5, 2006 08:40 PM

This is pretty much the comment that made me decide to do the SgDbotW today. I may have even hooted aloud when I first read it. I almost have to wonder if I’m being set up: I mean, it’s like this guy read my previous installments and heroically combined everything I hate about Stereogum Douchebags into one magical distillation of shitbrained fuckholery. It’s got everything: the easy target that a hugely successful indie band represents, the exasperated disowning of an institution that has failed to live up to one’s vague expectations, the flippant demarcation of the point at which a band “lost it”—holy Jesus, it’s even got the improper conjugation of “you are.” Is that you, Dino? If it is, you owe me three hundred beers.

Well, enjoy your Friday. Mine will culminate in the complete face-rocking I’ll receive this evening from the Secret Machines. And no graphic designer is going to stand in my way.