Number of people who announced to the person on the other end of his cellphone conversation, loudly enough for everyone in the café to hear, that he had just taken “a long dump”: 1

Number of people who tried to pay at Customer Service while I was stationed there, despite new signage informing them they could not do so: 4

Number of people introducing their friends to the basics of role-playing in the Sci-Fi section: 1

Number of people who, upon seeing Michael Moore’s book Stupid White Men, made the insightful observation that “if there was a book called Stupid Black Men everybody would say it’s racist”: 1

Number of people who asked us to reopen our mall entrance after it had closed because she didn’t want to use the mall’s exterior entrance because she had pneumonia and hadn’t brought a coat: 1

Number of Christmas lists I found on the floor today: 4 (see below).

This is why you should take care not to drop things on the floor while I’m working:

Mom,

No I am not getting sick of your emails. Also, no I did not get your email on what you thought of village inn. I also know that you work (hard) for a living. My last final is Wednesday December 18th from 7:00p.m – 9:00pm. The night Two Towers comes out!!! ARRRRGGGG!!! I promised S—— I’d see it with her first no matter what. So if I could be picked up anytime on thursday, preferrably during the day so I could see Two Towers that night, I would highly appreciate it. Anyways, some numbers on the bottom of the chair:

item#: 891-5947
SKU#: 0122-3982
Registry#: CA-36929(RC)

Those are all the numbers on the bottom of the chair. Ok, on to more important matters. . . My Christmas list. Hehehehehe. Here is the list, I think order matters but theres not much so you’ll have that (I’m positive R—— will ask for more [God I'm evil]).

1. Nintendo Gamecube (And a memory card, the one with more storage preferrably)

2. Metroid Prime (for the Nintendo Gamecube)

3. Pool Cue (though I’d rather help you get that one or you can just let me get it myself)

4. Gameboy Advanced

5. Metroid Fusion (for the gameboy advanced) (Sense a little pattern here? Metroid is
an AWESOME game series)

6. And any left over money you had budgeted for me as cash so I can get Warhammer 40k stuff (Yes I still love and play that game).

There is my list. I don’t think it comes to more than $500, or even $400. I’m sorry if its too much. You can take off the pool cue or the cash if you’d like. Those are things I can eventually get with a job. The other things I’d get too myself but might as well ask for them for Christmas. But there you have it regardless. I love you guys. Have a nice time there in BFE. Later.

Love,
C——

And:

Mom, Kinda crazy but I actually forgot about the Christmas list until after I sent the email! That sucks about your class but I guess it’s one less hassle to deal with ya know? Good luck on getting that scholarship that would be awesome if you actually got it! It’s really cool that you’re going back to school, it didn’t take long after losing your kids to the world did it!?

Okay Christmas list and then I have to do homework!

1. C.d. walkman that will withstand me running. extra batteries as I am trying to work
out every day.

2. Clothes, those New Balance running shoes and a pair of casual brown shoes. Giraffe
pillows.

3. The movie Titus (starring Anthony Hopkins), My-so-called Life boxed set DVD’s

4. A subscription to Newsweek and Vanity Fair: two magazines that my teacher insists
are worth reading.

5. A weekend trip to Chicago

6. a laptop computer

7. two weeks off of work

8. A giraffe

9. Grandma’s sewing machine

10. New strings for my viola (dominant of course)

11. A one -hour deep tissue massage.

12. A membership to a real gym

Okay there are a lot of ideas there realistic and unrealistic. I like soft, feel good things love pillows, books and green tea. Hope this gave you something to work with . Talk to you later. I love you Mama.
T——

I’m such a fucking prick.