I rang in the year 2000 indulging pretty much all of my vices at once. I finished college. I didn’t have a cell phone or a broadband internet connection. I lived in a series of rental properties. I discovered the Dismemberment Plan. I taught ninth- and tenth-grade English. I moved to Iowa City. I became a substitute teacher. A friend died. I discovered Music for 18 Musicians. I got a job at a bookstore. I recorded an album in New York. My band broke up. I got a new computer. I woke up late on September 11. I got my first cell phone. I went to London. I joined two new bands. I ran my first 5K. Neil moved away. Wes moved away. I started a blog. My drums were stolen. I got a job scoring standardized tests. I bought new drums. I recorded an album in Iowa City. I was fired from my job scoring standardized tests. I went to California. My dad died. I quit my job at the bookstore. I got a job at a day care. I read Infinite Jest for the second time. I moved in with my mother. Mark moved away. I joined Friendster. I went on tour. Phil moved away. I moved to Chicago. I got a job at a sign-making company. I discovered Talk Talk. I quit my job at the sign-making company and got a job at a corporate law firm. I joined a kickball team and an alt-country band. I joined MySpace. I got a new computer. I discovered Stars of the Lid. I got into grad school. I quit my job at the law firm. I read Infinite Jest a third time. I moved to Minneapolis. I got a new bike. I made new friends. I joined Facebook. I lived in a horrible rental property. My new bike was stolen from my horrible rental property. I got a job working for Garrison Keillor. I shaved my head. Garrison Keillor fired me. I moved into a nicer rental property. I turned thirty. I joined a new band. I went to a lot of weddings. I quit drinking. I discovered Subtle. I got a new bike. I got a job at a café. I shaved my head again. I took up yoga. I got a new computer. I went to London again. The bridge fell. I wrote a book. A lot of my friends moved away. I wrote for some magazines. I joined Twitter. I got a job teaching writing. I met someone special. I joined a new band. I got an iPhone. I read Infinite Jest for the fourth time. I quit my job at the café. Iowa got civil rights. I got a job at a coop. I got a tattoo. I went on tour again. I got another job teaching writing. I went to the beach. I moved into a new rental property. I got a new computer. I recorded my first day album. I got proper winter boots and a proper winter coat. I woke up early and walked to work, in the snow, and the sun hadn’t risen yet.