The themes of nightmares, however, seem to be surprisingly universal. In the few studies that have been done across different cultures, the most common scenario involves the dreamer being pursued or attacked. … Some other common subjects are finding yourself in threatening surroundings, taking a test for which you aren’t prepared, suffering paralysis, and having people close to you die or disappear. Then there are the common scenarios that are disquieting, if not exactly nightmarish: suddenly having all your teeth fall out, for instance, or showing up in public naked. People around the world seem to alight on the same sturdy metaphors for shame, loss, and mortality.

—Margaret Talbot, “Nightmare Scenario.” The New Yorker, November 16, 2009.

1979-1986. My feet are stuck to the blacktop of a very large playground and my parents are walking away from me very quickly; I cry for them to stop but they can’t hear me. I have to get to the front door of my house but the lawn is completely covered in huge writhing snakes. My father’s office building is completely covered in huge writhing snakes, hanging off the roof and down the walls. My parents are dead. My teeth are falling out. I am naked at school.

1987-1991 I suddenly can’t read; the printed English language is indecipherable and the spoken English language sounds like gibberish. My hands are splitting open and rotting and I can’t stop picking at the sinew inside. I am riding my bike off the balcony off a very tall building and falling dozens of stories. My parents are dead. My teeth are falling out. I am naked at school.

1992-1999 There is a test I have not studied for. I have forgotten how to play the drums. Any number of family members are dying. A jumbo jet is crashing in my backyard. My best friends decide they hate me. Members of the opposite sex subject me to countless sexual and/or romantic humiliations. My teeth are falling out. I am naked at school.

2000-Present. I have flunked out of college. Ex-girlfriends are trying to seduce and/or attack me. I have cheated on my significant other. There is a big gig coming up that I have not practiced for, and I can’t get my drum kit set up fast enough. I am reuniting with old bands with disastrous circumstances. I am drinking again (2006-present). My father is alive again but only temporarily (2003-present). I meet Barack Obama and he hates me (2008-present). The other members of my band are moving to remote parts of the world. I am revealed to be a fraud. I am revealed to be a criminal. My teeth are falling out. I am naked at work.