HOW TELEVISION IMPACTS MY LIFE: I’ve decided that I’m going to work an extra half-hour today, since the Simpsons reruns at 6 have been sucky new ones recently. I am pathetic. But this way I make more money and the train isn’t so crowded with dipshits. In this context, “dipshit” includes all of humanity.

If you need to waste a few minutes, read Chunklet’s list of overrated things. I’m always half-excited, half-scared when I find publications that are as cynical and bitchy as I am.

Last night I saw Stellastarr* at the Double Door. They rocked, in the purest sense. Also looking forward to seeing TV On The Radio on Friday. Good lord, am I an insufferable NYC hipster? Maybe just this week.

Favorite moments from last night’s presidential press conference:

- “[Saddam] was a threat because he funded suiciders.”

- “Secretary of State Powell and Secretary of State Rumsfeld … ”

- “I think the American people find it interesting that we’re providing food for the North Korea people who starve.”

- “Nobody likes to see dead people on their television screens.”

- turning it off

Remember how much trouble Bush had last night thinking of any mistakes he’d made during his term so far? Well, anyone who wants to get rid of Bush, or enjoys old Sheryl Crow songs, can vote for their favorite Bush mistake. I’m having a hard time choosing just one.

Got a fortune cookie at work today. My fortune was: “An old friend introduces you to new people and pleasures.” Not very interesting, I know. But watch me make it hilarious: “An old in bed friend introduces in bed you to new in bed people and pleasures in bed.”

GOLD!