And the tide was way out.
UPDATE: My piece for the Utne Reader about DFW.
For the past two months this site has functioned primarily as a repository for my thoughts as I slowly read, for the fourth time, my all-time favorite book, Infinite Jest.
Now that project, along with my read-through and a whole lot of other things, seems hopelessly inconsequential and trite.
Someday a long time from now I’ll re-read “The Depressed Person” and “Good Old Neon” and “Suicide as a Sort of Present” and feel a cold queasy roiling sensation at their resonance. But the cold queasy roiling sensation I’m currently experiencing is just about all I can take right now.
Goddamn it.
I’m overwhelmed by extremely selfish sentiments, like: my favorite book is ruined.
And: my mentors keep abandoning me.
I’m feeling inexpressibly sad and angry right now, and those feelings are pretty unattractive out here in the open—not too mention inexpressible.
So, I’ll shut up for once.
Posted: September 13th, 2008 under IJOASa-oBC, Reading & Writing.
Comments: 9
Comments
Comment from maria
Time: 14 September 2008, 06:59
i’m sorry.
Comment from Robin
Time: 14 September 2008, 07:09
That’s terrible!
Comment from Jodi
Time: 14 September 2008, 08:10
It might seem a little odd, but as soon as I heard the news I thought of you even though we’ve never met.
I’m sorry about the loss of DFW in general, but I’m really sorry for your particular loss.
Comment from win
Time: 14 September 2008, 09:46
It’s just terrible. I feel physically sick.
Comment from wes
Time: 14 September 2008, 10:23
Hey John Paul—Your favorite book isn’t ruined. It’s sitting exactly as you left it, undiminished and waiting to be read.
Comment from Joe
Time: 14 September 2008, 15:53
the short NYT piece published yesterday quoted somebody at pomona college, that dfw never hid behind irony.
he puts an extremely high value on honesty, intellectual and moral and emotional. That is what I will miss most. During times of depression and existential hangups, I had a tendency to hold him up as someone who was dealing with my problems and had a good handle on them. Maybe he didn’t have as sure a grip as I thought he did, but I won’t give up on him just because he did. there are still a lot of his works that I need to read, and I know he will have answers–not complete, but earnest and genuine ones, as far as they go.
Comment from chrisk
Time: 14 September 2008, 16:04
Confession. As I was sitting here last night reading the same story from a dozen different sources, clenching and unclenching fists, going out of my mind with undirected rage, I briefly indulged in the following comfort: “well, at least it’s probably harder on Jake.”
If you figure out what we’re supposed to be doing about this, please do let us know.
Comment from Sam B.
Time: 14 September 2008, 23:23
wow.
Comment from Hmm
Time: 15 September 2008, 07:53
DFW said in his amazing commencement speech at Kenyon: “The whole trick is keeping the truth up front in daily consciousness.”
I have portions of that speech on the bulletin board in my office because it inspires me to get through the day. For DFW, the truth became too much to bear and the world will never be the same because of it.
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