A friend and I were talking recently about famous people we resemble, and it got me thinking about the people I’ve always been told I look like. Like whom I’ve always been told I look.

Whenever someone tells me I look like someone, I’m either flattered or offended, or don’t see the resemblance, or do see the resemblance, or some combination of the above.

This conversation also got me thinking about who I’d resemble if some feature of mine were slightly (or dramatically, for that matter) altered.

Here’s an example: I’ve always said that if I were to gain thirty or forty pounds, I’d look a lot like Oliver Platt.

And I’m okay with that. Oliver Platt’s a handsome man.

In high school, when I weighted about 110 pounds, people always said I looked like Kevin Bacon. So he can be my Skinny Doppelgänger. Or my Six Degrees of Doppelgänger.

People also say I look like Johnny Knoxville. So he can be my Crazy, Probably Had Sex With Jessica Simpson Doppelgänger.

Sometimes I get Brad Pitt, which I don’t see at all. So he can be my I Wish, But Sorry, No Doppelgänger.

When I studied in London my art history professor told me I looked like Rupert Graves. So he’ll be my Semi-Obscure British Actor Doppelgänger.

Of course, I need an Old Man Doppelgänger. I’m not sure I necessarily bear any resemblance to Ian McShane, but I really hope I look that badass when I’m that age. So I’m hereby appointing him my Craggy Old Man Doppelgänger.

But there are some categories I haven’t filled yet. For example, I’m convinced I have a Female Doppelgänger, but I never had a sister, so I’m not sure what she’d look like.

Also, I don’t have a Black Doppelgänger yet, but I am convinced he exists. For that matter, I probably have an Asian Doppelgänger, and a Latino Doppelgänger. If I was feeling truly ambitious I’d find a Doppelgänger in every possible ethnicity. The United Colors of Benneton Doppelgängers.

Of course, in this day and age we can ask the Internet anything and it will tell us what to think. Those jokers over at MyHeritage say that I look like Ryan Phillippe. Whatever! What a bunch of clowns!! Those jokers!!!