Mhearprpyy Chhorliisdtamyass!
On several occasions over the past few weeks I’ve overheard strangers say, “Merry Christmas,” where the second word bears a certain … I don’t know, smug emphasis. In more than one such instance, they’ve followed it up with something along the lines of “In my house, we celebrate ‘Christmas,’ not the”—and here a certain … I don’t know, sneering tone is added to the smugness—”holidays.”
Or they’ll say, “I’m so sick of this ‘Happy Holidays’ crap!” Or, “No one’s going to force me to say ‘Happy Holidays!’” Or, “Bill O’Reilly has programmed me to take a haughty, if ill-informed, stand against this imaginary war on Christmas!”
Just the other day I was standing near the gift-wrap station at a retail establishment when one of the women staffing it said: “They want us to say ‘Happy Holidays,’ but I’m going to say ‘Merry Christmas!’ We can’t give up our heritage!”
Heritage, indeed! It’s about time that these brave people American Heroes take a stand against the godless oppressors who would force them to give up their near-extinct Christian, capitalist heritage.
Don’t let the secular bogeymen of “tolerance” and “inclusion” tell these people Warriors for Truth what they can and cannot do! For they have looked their oppressors in their eyes and said: no more.
Why, compared to them, Rosa Parks was a whiny little bitch.
Posted: December 20th, 2006 under General.
Comments: 9
Comments
Comment from maria.
Time: 20 December 2006, 06:50
last year at a chicago walmart the day after thanksgiving, think of it as an anthropology experiment as i bought nothing, the guy in front of me at the check-out with my aunt went into a conspiring conversation with the clerk about this same “christmas war!”. in exasperation he threw up his hands and demanded, “what next? are they going to take god off the dollar bill?”
yes, yes sir. we’ll refuse you the right to GOD on your money. seriously, why are we always putting down the good devout christian people?!
Comment from katie
Time: 20 December 2006, 13:12
sometimes Mike likes to watch bill o’reilly because it fills him with rage (he’s addicted to rage-ahol, you know.) after watching it we end up shouting MERRY CHRISTMAS at each other in threatening tones like all the idiot callers on the show.
Comment from John
Time: 20 December 2006, 16:02
When I was growing up, I always assumed that “Happy Holidays” was just a way of incorporating Christmas and New Year’s into one convenient package, as if to say, “Since there are multiple holidays coming soon, I’d like to wish you happiness on all of them.”
But now I know that I was actually participating in the decline of America.
Comment from Olivia
Time: 20 December 2006, 17:52
and what about us who celebrate Festivus? we always get jipped.
Comment from MRP
Time: 21 December 2006, 10:22
Didn’t we listen to BIWHM on tape? Then why are you reading it? Is it your Christmas present to yourself?
Anyway, let me serve as an example to your readers and say: Have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year. It’s the right thing to do.
Comment from Girlfriend
Time: 21 December 2006, 11:08
Marshall’s seems to have solved this conundrum. Their employees simply wear two buttons, a blue one that reads, “Happy Hannukah” and a red one that reads, “Merry Christmas.” Now what are they trying to say with those colors….
Comment from Jake
Time: 21 December 2006, 10:56
True. I’m re-reading it, because I’m lame. But I’ll be moving on to a new book soon, since I asked Santa for the The Da Vinci Code.
Comment from ae
Time: 21 December 2006, 12:42
I say let’s cut out these greetings altogether. If you don’t know someone well enough to know whether they celebrate Christmas or Hannukah, then I don’t think you really need to say anything. Because, let’s face it, you don’t really care. In general, of course, we can take pleasure in the general swelling of good will throughout humanity, but let’s not pretend that most wishers-well actually give a crap about how your ham glazes. I bet a huge percentage of the people that I seasons greet are knob jobs: Wife-beaters, degenerates, Republicans, etc. Next time the oppurtunity arises – and I’m faced with the pause into which a yuletide saluation would fit, I’m saying “Keep it real this holiday season.”
Comment from Court
Time: 21 December 2006, 14:26
I don’t think this tirade would be going on if people wouldn’t go around feeling their Christmas-ness or Hannukah-ness was threatened by well wishes for one holiday or the other. Like you’re at the grocery store, and the clerk says, “Merry Christmas!” and you say, “Happy Hannukah!” and he says, “I like your tree!” and you say, “Dreidels make for killer drinking games” and then you both say, “Yeah holidays!!” and end the moment with an exloding high-five.
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